Friday joke!

[Raggz]

Maybe this will lighten up the forum mood? :)

Two cannibals sat down by the fire to eat a ,well cooked, clown. After a minute one of the cannibals says to the other: Does this taste "funny" to you?

Now bring us some more jokes :)

[pupo162]

:)

[GF_Mastiff]

lol that one never gets old to
me.

[sorak]

The wind blew, the ____ flew.

[Aer9o]

here is another one :

Unofficial status at 14:45
1) I have no information about the patch
2) I have no instructions to prepare an Friday information update
__________________

BlackSix

[5./JG27 Lehmann]

Police just raided Kermet the Frog's flat and found hundreds of pictures of Miss Piggy naked.

Police said it was the worst case of frogs porn they'd ever seen.

^^

[Zappatime]

here is another one :

Unofficial status at 14:45
1) I have no information about the patch
2) I have no instructions to prepare an Friday information update
__________________

BlackSix

Now that's funny:-P

[Skoshi Tiger]

I was going to tell the joke about Br'er Bear and Br'er Rabbit doing No 2's in the woods but then realised it would incurr an infraction!

It's a very funny Joke! :)

[_RAAF_Smouch]

A man walks into a bar with a frog on his shoulder.

The barman says "How long has that been there?"

The frog says "It started as a lump on my a$%e two days ago."

[Skoshi Tiger]

A piece of string walks into a bar and asks for a drink.

The barman points to a sign above the bars stating "No Pieces of String will be serve" and tells him to rack off.

Dejectedly the string walks outside, and then becomes determined to overcome the predjices in our society!

He bends his body into a loop and then sticks his head through the loop and pulls it out the other side! Then he gets his head and fizzes out the strands into an afro!

Then walks back into the bar. and askes for a drink!

The barman squints at him and cautiously asks "You’re not a piece of string are you?

"No!" answers the piece of string, "Frayed knot!"

[NLS61]

Now that's funny:-P

No thats sad.

[Buckie]

I'll never forget how happy i was when i seen my wife walking down the aisle towards me.

My heart was beating fast and the excitement was unbearable.

It seemed to take an age but eventually there she was standing beside me.

I gave her a cheeky wink and said "get you trolley over here, there doing 3 cases of budweiser for £18"

[Gribbers]

What do you call a man with no shins???











Tony :-P

[Wolf_Rider]

Two vultures, sitting side by side on a branch of a dead tree, surveying the barren landscape surrounding them...
One turns to the other and says, "Patience my butt, I'm gonna go kill something'"

[carguy_]

whoa

[Fjordmonkey]

Ever hear of the Cannibal who got home late one night and got a cold shoulder?

[Zappatime]

No thats sad.

I know, mate, I know.

[robtek]

A younger family,parent's, a son and a daughter as usual bought a pet, a rabbit.
Also as usual after a few months nobody did take care of the rabbit anymore.
So the father said: another useless mouth to feed, that rabbit is going to be dinner.
So, the next sunday the family has rabbit-roast for dinner.
Says the doughter: Wow, thats tasty, what is it?
Says the father: i give you a hint, your mother calls me sometimes like that.
The family continues to eat for a while when suddenly the daughter stops her brothers fork on its way to his mouth.


Don't eat that, it's a arsehole!

[satchenko]

Here´s my friday joke:

What replied a developer of CLOD to their consumers this Friday? Nothing, because it has nothing to say.

:-|

[Wolf_Rider]

FFS... you just had to go and wreck the thread, didn't you

[Trumper]

The Cow, the Ant and the Old Fart:

A cow, an ant and an old Fart are debating on who is the greatest of the three of them.

The cow said, "I give 20 quarts of milk every day and that's why I am the greatest!"


The ant said, "I work day and night, summer and winter, I can carry 52 times my own weight and that's why I am the greatest!"

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Why are you scrolling down? It's your turn to say something.

[ATAG_Dutch]

I showed the Doctor a nasty rash on my 'old man' this morning.

He seemed pretty uncomfortable and didn't want to touch it.

He just said 'Make an appointment for Monday morning', and carried on pushing his trolley around the supermarket.

[zapatista]

Australian joke

Ivan Milat (the notorious serial killer) walks into the forest with a backpacker one late afternoon

the backpacker say: "brrr spooky place this forest, bit creepy here"

ivan milat answers: "that's noting mate, i gotta walk out of here on my own"

[Robert]

Q. Where do you get virgin wool from?
A. Ugly sheep.




Q. Did you hear about the new "divorced" Barbie doll that they're selling in stores now?
A. It comes with all of Ken's stuff.




Q. What do your boss and a slinky have in common?
A. They're both fun to watch tumble down the stairs.

[Raggz]

Q. Did you hear about the new "divorced" Barbie doll that they're selling in stores now?
A. It comes with all of Ken's stuff.


LOL, now that's a good one :D

[Jatta Raso]

do you know what Che Guevara would say to other cows if he was himself a cow?

"Together we're unherdable!" :grin:

[Robert]

EVER WONDER Why??

Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?

Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?

Why you don't ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

Why "abbreviated" is such a long word?

Why doctors call what they do "practice"?

Why lemon juice is made with artificial flavor, while dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons?

Why the man Who invests all your money is called a broker?

Why there isn't mouse-flavored cat food?

Why they don't make the Whole plane out of the material used for the indestructible black box ?

Why sheep don't shrink when it rains?

Why they are called apartments when they are all stuck together?

if con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

Why they call the airport "the terminal" if flying is so safe?

[RickRuski]

Here's one for you.




BLOKE SAT IN HIS ARMCHAIR SHOUTS TO HIS WIFE

"WHEN I DIE I'M GOING TO LEAVE EVERYTHING TO YOU LOVE"


SHE SHOUTS BACK " YOU ALREADY DO YOU LAZY BASTARD !! "

[swiss]

Q. Did you hear about the new "divorced" Barbie doll that they're selling in stores now?
A. It comes with all of Ken's stuff.


You sure know how to wreck a joke. ;)

One day a father gets out of work and on his way home he suddenly remembers that it's his daughter's birthday.

He pulls over to a Toy Shop and asks the
sales person, "How much for one of those Barbie's in the display window?"

The salesperson answers, "Which one do you mean, Sir?

We have: Work Out Barbie for $19.95, Shopping Barbie for $19.95, Beach Barbie for $19.95, Disco Barbie for $19.95, Ballerina Barbie for $19.95, Astronaut Barbie
for $19.95, Skater Barbie for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie for $265.95".

The amazed father asks: "It's what?! Why is the
Divorced Barbie $265.95 and the others only $19.95?"

The annoyed salesperson rolls her eyes, sighs, and answers: "Sir..., Divorced Barbie comes with: Ken's Car, Ken's House, Ken's Boat, Ken's Furniture, Ken's Computer, one of Ken's Friends, and a key chain made with Ken's balls.

[raaaid]

a guy is driving in his car when he sees a sign which says reduce to 100

then he sees a sign reduce to 50

oh well

then reduce to 20

hell 20 km/h?

then reduce to 10

oh god

WELCOME TO REDUCE

[addman]

a guy is driving in his car when he sees a sign which says reduce to 100

then he sees a sign reduce to 50

oh well

then reduce to 20

hell 20 km/h?

then reduce to 10

oh god

WELCOME TO REDUCE

lol

[raaaid]

i think its one of the 1st jokes i rememebr

i was told by my punisher teacher when i was six

[Robert]

You sure know how to wreck a joke. ;)



I like your version better, swiss. LOL Good build up with a funny pay off.

[Wolf_Rider]

Teacher: If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many will you have?
Johnny: Seven, Sir.
Teacher: No, listen carefully. If I gave you 2 cats, and another 2 cats and another 2, how many will you have?
Johnny: Seven.
Teacher: Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you 2 apples, and another 2 apples and another 2, how many will you have?
Johnny: Six.
Teacher: Good. Now if I gave you 2 cats, and another 2 cats and another 2, how many will you have?
Johnny: Seven!!!
A very angry Teacher: Where do you get seven from?!?!?
A very angry Johnny: Because I've already got a $#%!#' cat at home!!!

[RickRuski]

On a bitterly cold winters morning a husband and wife in Dublin were listening to the radio during breakfast. They heard the announcer say,
"We are going to have 8 to 10 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even-numbered side of the street, so the snowploughs can get through."
So the good wife went out and moved her car.
A week or so later while they are eating breakfast again, the radio announcer said,
"We are expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd-numbered side of the street, so the snowploughs can get through."
The good wife went out and moved her car again.A few days later they were again having breakfast, when the radio announcer says,
"We are expecting 12 to 14 inches of snow today. You must park...." Then the electric power went out.
The good wife was very upset, and with a worried look on her face she said,
"I don't know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park on so the snowploughs can get through?"
Then with the love and understanding that all long-married husbands possess, he replied, "Why don't you just leave the damb car in the garage this time?"

[drewpee]

I like your version better, swiss. LOL Good build up with a funny pay off.

LOL are you two going out?

[swiss]

LOL are you two going out?

Why, wanna join in?