Friday joke!

[Trumper]

The Cow, the Ant and the Old Fart:

A cow, an ant and an old Fart are debating on who is the greatest of the three of them.

The cow said, "I give 20 quarts of milk every day and that's why I am the greatest!"


The ant said, "I work day and night, summer and winter, I can carry 52 times my own weight and that's why I am the greatest!"

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Why are you scrolling down? It's your turn to say something.

[ATAG_Dutch]

I showed the Doctor a nasty rash on my 'old man' this morning.

He seemed pretty uncomfortable and didn't want to touch it.

He just said 'Make an appointment for Monday morning', and carried on pushing his trolley around the supermarket.

[zapatista]

Australian joke

Ivan Milat (the notorious serial killer) walks into the forest with a backpacker one late afternoon

the backpacker say: "brrr spooky place this forest, bit creepy here"

ivan milat answers: "that's noting mate, i gotta walk out of here on my own"

[Robert]

Q. Where do you get virgin wool from?
A. Ugly sheep.




Q. Did you hear about the new "divorced" Barbie doll that they're selling in stores now?
A. It comes with all of Ken's stuff.




Q. What do your boss and a slinky have in common?
A. They're both fun to watch tumble down the stairs.

[Raggz]

Originally Posted by Robert

Q. Did you hear about the new "divorced" Barbie doll that they're selling in stores now?
A. It comes with all of Ken's stuff.

LOL, now that's a good one

[Jatta Raso]

do you know what Che Guevara would say to other cows if he was himself a cow?

"Together we're unherdable!"

[Robert]

EVER WONDER Why??

Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?

Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?

Why you don't ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

Why "abbreviated" is such a long word?

Why doctors call what they do "practice"?

Why lemon juice is made with artificial flavor, while dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons?

Why the man Who invests all your money is called a broker?

Why there isn't mouse-flavored cat food?

Why they don't make the Whole plane out of the material used for the indestructible black box ?

Why sheep don't shrink when it rains?

Why they are called apartments when they are all stuck together?

if con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

Why they call the airport "the terminal" if flying is so safe?

[RickRuski]

Here's one for you.




BLOKE SAT IN HIS ARMCHAIR SHOUTS TO HIS WIFE

"WHEN I DIE I'M GOING TO LEAVE EVERYTHING TO YOU LOVE"


SHE SHOUTS BACK " YOU ALREADY DO YOU LAZY BASTARD !! "

[swiss]

Originally Posted by Robert

Q. Did you hear about the new "divorced" Barbie doll that they're selling in stores now?
A. It comes with all of Ken's stuff.

You sure know how to wreck a joke.

One day a father gets out of work and on his way home he suddenly remembers that it's his daughter's birthday.

He pulls over to a Toy Shop and asks the
sales person, "How much for one of those Barbie's in the display window?"

The salesperson answers, "Which one do you mean, Sir?

We have: Work Out Barbie for $19.95, Shopping Barbie for $19.95, Beach Barbie for $19.95, Disco Barbie for $19.95, Ballerina Barbie for $19.95, Astronaut Barbie
for $19.95, Skater Barbie for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie for $265.95".

The amazed father asks: "It's what?! Why is the
Divorced Barbie $265.95 and the others only $19.95?"

The annoyed salesperson rolls her eyes, sighs, and answers: "Sir..., Divorced Barbie comes with: Ken's Car, Ken's House, Ken's Boat, Ken's Furniture, Ken's Computer, one of Ken's Friends, and a key chain made with Ken's balls.

[raaaid]

a guy is driving in his car when he sees a sign which says reduce to 100

then he sees a sign reduce to 50

oh well

then reduce to 20

hell 20 km/h?

then reduce to 10

oh god

WELCOME TO REDUCE