Crtique please

[AdamB]

Originally Posted by MadBlaster

I take it this is for a video game. Imho, too boring. How about this:

(background music) Back in Black AC/DC (always works for me,lol)

(background sound) bzzzzzzzz, bzzzzzzzz, bzzz, bzzzzz

(fade in large font) A

(slight pause)

(fade in larger font) Dam

(slight pause)

(fade in even larger font) Bee

(fade out) A Dam Bee

(slight pause)

(enter stage left) A bee wearing AdamB T-shirt (flies around a bit, hum dee dum, life is good, hum dee dum)

(slight pause)

(enter stage right a huge fly swatter with metal spikes) SPLAT!

(bee body parts and bee blood pasted all over the screen)

(slight pause)

(fart sound) bee stinger goes flying out of ass and lands on bee head

(slight pause)

(bee head rolls a bit then says) "Help me!"

(fade out music) Back in Black!..da da da, da da da

(submliminal quick flash message) picture of Big tits.

Im honestly lost for words, WTF

[WTE_Galway]

Actually I do like the sound of the " (submliminal quick flash message) picture of Big tits " idea.

[M2morris]

This reminds me of a Steven Wright quote: " I'm writing a book, I have the page numbers done. I just need to fill in the rest."

[BadAim]

LOL, I think what MadBlaster was trying to say was, It's good, but it's been done. Maybe try for something different.

Either that or he was just taking the piss out of you.......

[MadBlaster]

Lol, yes. Just a little joke.

Interesting coincidence. Are you guys related??? I see the letters in BadAim

can

be re-arranged as

A d a m B i (lol, "bi". I wont go there)

using substitution;

A d a m bee eye

extrapolating;

"there's a dam bee in my eye "

which could be why you have

BadAim

LOL

This is what happens to your brain when you take too many B/bee vitamins.