Crtique please

[AdamB]

Originally Posted by MadBlaster

I take it this is for a video game. Imho, too boring. How about this:

(background music) Back in Black AC/DC (always works for me,lol)

(background sound) bzzzzzzzz, bzzzzzzzz, bzzz, bzzzzz

(fade in large font) A

(slight pause)

(fade in larger font) Dam

(slight pause)

(fade in even larger font) Bee

(fade out) A Dam Bee

(slight pause)

(enter stage left) A bee wearing AdamB T-shirt (flies around a bit, hum dee dum, life is good, hum dee dum)

(slight pause)

(enter stage right a huge fly swatter with metal spikes) SPLAT!

(bee body parts and bee blood pasted all over the screen)

(slight pause)

(fart sound) bee stinger goes flying out of ass and lands on bee head

(slight pause)

(bee head rolls a bit then says) "Help me!"

(fade out music) Back in Black!..da da da, da da da

(submliminal quick flash message) picture of Big tits.

Im honestly lost for words, WTF