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#1
06-02-2012, 12:15 AM
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Man Made Continental Drift
Industrial Nations Threaten Globe Again
A new menace to the planet has been discovered and validated by a consensus of politically reliable scientists: Anthropogenic Continental Drift (ACD) will result in catastrophic damage and untold suffering, unless immediate indemnity payments from the United Sates, Europe, and Australia be made to the governments of non-industrial nations, to counteract this man-made threat to the world's habitats. ~  Science Is Unquestionable The continents rest on massive tectonic plates. Until the beginning of the Industrial Revolution in the mid 18th century, these plates were fixed in place and immobile. However, drilling for oil and mining for minerals has cut these plates loose from their primordial moorings and left them to drift aimlessly. "The potential for damage is truly catastrophic," said Hans Brinker, a spokesman for the International Panel on Continental Drift (IPCD). "The continents are adrift due to the ruthless capitalist exploitation of the environment for profit. Unless immediate steps are taken to halt all oil and mineral extraction, we can expect a massive surge in earthquakes and volcanos by next Tuesday." The representative seemed close to tears during his announcement, a clear indicator of the severity of the threat.  Villages in Peril The IPCD bureaucracy has gone even further, proposing immediate indemnity payments from the United Sates and Europe be paid to the governments of non-industrial nations. "These non-industrial nations will be hardest hit by the looming catastrophe. No right-thinking scientist can question that," pronounced Brinker after composing himself. "On one coast they will see increased surf levels on their beaches as their continents accelerate, while on the opposite coast the flow turbulence will wipe out entire ecologically appropriate semi-neolithic fishing villages." These villages, it must be pointed out, are the primary raisers of children. Only massive infusions of industrial-nation cash can avert these effects. China and India will be exempted from these indemnities; as non-European nations they have automatic victim-status and thus cannot be held accountable for ACD, despite their industrial economies. South Korea and Japan, as nominal allies of the United States, however, will be subjected to the same penalties as their allies. If the measure is passed by the United Nations, all penalty monies will be paid into the IPCD General Fund, which will cover the continuing study of ACD and disburse funds to deserving member states. Polar Bears in Peril "Due to the wanton recklessness of these industrialized nations, life on earth faces both rising and falling seas as North America plows toward Asia," explained IPCD-approved geophysicist Naseem Passapotapissalong of Indonesia. "What's more, millions of polar bears will be subject to drowning as the continent drifts away from them." Data is 'Air France' Tight and Undeniable This widening of the Atlantic is taking place at an astounding rate, according to indisputable IPCD scientific data. Today it costs almost a third again as much to fly an Air France jet from New York to Paris than it did in 1997, a clear indicator that the ocean has indeed increased in size in the past decade. Surface shipping rates have likewise increased dramatically. "This is a clear and reliable indicator of the speed of ACD," said Passapotapissalong, "much more so than the global positioning satellite data often cited by 'Continental Drift Deniers.' The GPS system was, after all, originally created by the US military to enhance their empire-building program, and we all know who controls the US military." He paused at this point and pulled his ears out to each side, a clear reference to the ape-like countenance of the American president. "Although these so-called 'scientists' claim that there is no GPS data to support the rapid widening of the Atlantic Ocean, they are all employees of American corporations or have been paid to falsify their data by the American government. Air France fuel costs are a much more reliable indicator of distance flown." He added that he and his right-thinking colleagues had "nothing to gain" by presenting their findings, pointing out that their stipends, expenses and salaries were drawn from the IPCD General Fund, not corporate or government grants. 
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#2
06-02-2012, 12:20 AM
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aka surfing?
__________________
Theres a reason for instrumenting a plane for test..
That being a pilots's 'perception' of what is going on can be very different from what is 'actually' going on.
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#4
06-02-2012, 12:57 AM
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I rather like the first theory to try to explain why the continents fitted together so well. Someone noticed that they fitted even better if the Earth was smaller. The continents aren't drifting, the planet is expanding!
Where is Raaaid when we need him most?
__________________
MoBo: Asus Sabertooth X58. CPU: Intel i7 950 Quad Core 3.06Ghz overclocked to 3.80Ghz. RAM: 12 GB Corsair DDR3 (1600).
GPU: XFX 6970 2GB. PSU: 1000W Corsair. SSD: 128 GB. HDD:1 TB SATA 2. OS: Win 7 Home Premium 64bit. Case: Antec Three Hundred. Monitor: 24" Samsung. Head tracking: TrackIR 5. Sore neck: See previous.
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#5
06-02-2012, 12:58 AM
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ZOMG! They are doing it again!
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#7
06-02-2012, 01:34 AM
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#8
06-02-2012, 02:01 AM
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Quote:
Quote:
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#10
06-02-2012, 11:51 AM
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another golden one...
According to author Jeff Sharlet, Pryor is affiliated with a political organization called the Family. Sharlet quoted Pryor as stating that through the Family he "had learned that the separation of church and state was a sort of secular exaggeration" and that "Jesus did not come to bring peace. Jesus came to take over." To me that reads as "**** the peace loving Jesus, he came here to kickass and chew bubblegum!"
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