Joke

[Trumper]

.
GOLF AND WHAT IT ALL MEANS

Golf can best be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured by the occasional miracle, followed by a good bottle of beer.

Golf ! You hit down to make the ball go up. You swing left and the ball goes right. The lowest score wins, on top of that, the winner buys the drinks.

Golf is harder than baseball. In Golf, you have to play your foul balls.

If you find you do not mind playing Golf in the rain, the snow, even during a hurricane, here's a valuable tip ........ your life is in trouble.

Golfers who try to make everything perfect before taking the shot rarely make a perfect shot.

A 'gimme' can best be defined as an agreement between two golfers ...neither of whom can putt very well.

An interesting thing about Golf is that no matter how badly you play, it is always possible to get worse.

Golf's a hard game to figure. One day you'll go out and slice it and shank it, hit into all the traps and miss every green. The next day you go out and for no reason at all you really stink.

If your best shots are the practice swing and the 'gimme putt', you might wish to reconsider this game.

Golf is the only sport where the most feared opponent is you.

Golf is like marriage, If you take yourself too seriously it won't work, and both are expensive.

The best wood in most amateurs' bags is the pencil.
SENIOR'S DAY AT THE COURSE

David Letterman's Top Ten Reasons Why Golf Is Better Than Sex...
#10... A below par performance is considered damn good.
#09... You can stop in the middle and have a cheeseburger and a couple of beers.
#08... It's much easier to find the sweet spot.
#07... Foursomes are encouraged, even some threesomes.
#06... You can still make money doing it as a senior.
#05... Three times a day is possible.
#04... Your partner doesn't hire a lawyer if you play with someone else.
#03... If you live in Florida , you can do it almost every day.
#02... You don't have to cuddle with your partner when you're finished.
And the NUMBER ONE reason why golf is better than sex.....
#01... When your equipment gets old you can replace it!

[RickRuski]

Trumper,

Sounds you are an old golfer like me, way to go.

[Trumper]

Originally Posted by RickRuski

Trumper,

Sounds you are an old golfer like me, way to go.

It would be better to say i turned up and frightened bushes,trees and wildlife,unfortunately haven't played since we had kids,blimey 15 years ago,ought to get back into it

[5./JG27.Farber]

Originally Posted by Trumper

It would be better to say i turned up and frightened bushes,trees and wildlife,unfortunately haven't played since we had kids,blimey 15 years ago,ought to get back into it

Thats women for you, always telling what is fun.

[RickRuski]

You have to Love the Irish.


One day an Irishman goes into a pharmacy, reaches into his pocket and takes out a small bottle and a teaspoon.He pours some liquid onto the teaspoon and offers it to the chemist.
"Could you taste this for me, please?"
The chemist takes the teaspoon, puts it in his mouth, swills the liquid around and swallows it.
"Does that taste sweet to you?" says Paddy.
"No, not at all," says the chemist.

Wait for it----












"Oh that's a relief," says Paddy. "The doctor told me to come here and get my urine tested for sugar."

[baronWastelan]

Q: How much money fits inside a 944?
A: All of it.

[RickRuski]

Paddy, had long heard the stories of an amazing family tradition.

It seems that his father, grandfather and great-grandfather had all
been able to walk on water on their 18th birthday. On that special
day, they'd each walked across the lake to the pub on the far side for
their first legal drink.

So when Paddy's, 18th birthday came 'round, he and his pal Mick, took
a boat out to the middle of the lake, Paddy, stepped out of the boat
...and nearly drowned! Mick just barely managed to pull him to
safety. Furious and confused, Paddy, went to see his grandmother.

'Grandma,' he asked, "It's my 18th birthday, so why can't I walk
'cross the lake like my father, his father, and his father before
him?"

Granny looked deeply into Paddy's, troubled blue eyes and said,
"Because your father, your grandfather and your great grandfather were
all born in December, when the lake is frozen, and you were born in
August, ya dip ******

[RickRuski]

At a recent software engineering management course in the US, the participants were given an awkward question to answer. "If you had just boarded an airliner and discovered that your team of programmers had been responsible for the flight control software how many of you would disembark immediately?"

Among the ensuing forest of raised hands, only one man sat motionless. When asked what he would do, he replied that he would be quite content to stay onboard.

With his team's software, he said, the plane was unlikely to even taxi as far as the runway, let alone take off.

[335th_GRAthos]

Two Alzheimer patients are sitting outside at the park on a beautiful sunny day.

The one says, "I really feel having an ice-cream now"

The other says, "Great idea, I will go get us ice-cream! Which flavour do you like?"

The first one answers "two scoops chocolate! How about yourself?"

The second one "I will have two scoops vanila!"

The first one thinks for a moment and says "Hmmm...better you write the order down, You may forget it."

The second answers back "Ah, no need, the ice cream shop is just across the road"
and walks away repeating loudly to himself "Two chocolate, two vanila..."











15min later the second one returns, with two hotdogs!

The first one asks "Where is the ketchup!?"

The second "Damn, I forgot!!!"

Upon which the first one "You see! I told you to write it down!!!!!! )



~S~

[zander]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3A1WF...feature=fvwrel