I have verified your travel route and it is indeed correct and quicker than my suggestion (108 vs 132 hours). That's the cool thing about presenting an optimal solution; it it so easy to prove it wrong. Just present a better solution, just as you have done
The downside with your route is that it is also much more challenging. The reason for this is that you need to defeat Shenobi on Elon (and prior to that Chief Uchkuk to free the king and get the Shenobi quest) + you have to defeat Rakush at Uzala before going to Tekron and Umkas. Not having the XP you get by completing Tekron and Umkas make these fights much tougher. These two islands are both difficulty 75, while Tekron and Umkas are 65.
Another worry I have with both our travelling routes (the are equal in this respect) is the single trip to Bolo in the start of the game. If you play on impossible some of the fights are really hard to do without huge losses. At this time only Debir and Scarlet Wind is completed. I am a little worried that some of these battles are actually impossible...