How to give BETA feedback

[klem]

Phone: "Ring Ring.... Ring Ring..."
Dev: "Hello"
User: "This patch is completely useless. I get CTD after 20 mins. Its crap. FIX IT!
Dev: "Can you be a bit more precise please?"
User: "Yes I go on line and after 20 mins I get a Launcher crash"
Dev: "OK I understand that but I need to know more to work out why. What are your system specs and settings?"
User: "Umm... its an intel processor with 4Gb RAM and an ATI video card. I think. I've set everything on High instead of Very High. Just in case."
Dev: "Can you tell me which ATI card you have?"
User: "I got it from my brother, he said its top line with loadsa memory"
Dev: "OK... well....can you run Dxdiag and tell me what is says on the Display Tab? Maybe send me screenshots?"
User: "Dx thingy...... erm, is that like an App?"
Dev: "An App?"
UserL "Yes, like Facebook"
Dev: <sigh>"Are you wanting to Beta test this patch?"
User: "Test? No, I want to use it for flying."
De3v: "You do know this is a beta test and we're asking users who want to take part to test it and make constructive feedback? If you dont want to you don't have to."
User: "Its a patch. Like.... an update. I want to run with the latest."
Dev: "No, see, its a test, a kind of community test. It won't be perfect yet, we need lots of people to help test it and report back so we can get it right more quickly."
User: "Community Test? Is that like Monopoly? Hehe"
Dev: <groan> "May I suggest you roll back to the current Steam version and wait for the official release?"
User: "No, I want to use the patch"
Dev: "So, you want to take part in the beta testing?"
User: "Well, I already told you what's wrong. I just want to know when you're going to fix the patch."
Dev: "You need to give detailed feedback including system specs, GPU card settings, screen resolution and so on."
User: "I don't know any of that computer crap. I don't get these problems with my X-box."
Dev: "Are you sure you feel capable of taking part in this beta testing?"
User: "I don't want to test it. I just want to use it."
Dev: "But its only for testing. Its not the real thing."
User: "Its a patch. I want to run with it."
Dev: "But its not...."
User:"What? Its a patch ain't it? It don't work."
Dev: "But its not...."
User: "What? Its a patch. It don't work."
Dev: "But..."
User: "What? Its a patch. It don't work."
<sound of phone dropping>
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<loud bang>
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User: "Hello?"
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User: "Hello?"
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<sound of phone being picked up>
Voice: "Hello?"
User: "Hello?"
Voice: "Ermmm, who's that?"
User: "Its me. I want to know when you're going to fix the patch."
Voice.: "Uh, could you hang up please? I need to call an ambulance."