Joke

[RickRuski]

German Chancellor, Angela Merkel arrives at passport control in Athens:

"Nationality?" asks the immigration officer.

"German" she replied.

"Occupation?"

"No, just here for a few days"...

[Kongo-Otto]

[Wolf_Rider]

A joke thread? good move, we need some giggles...



A poll conducted among INFOCUS magazine readers had established "waka" as the proper pronunciation for the angle-bracket characters (<), though some readers held out resolutely for "norkies."
In honor of computer symbology's increased role in our vocabulary, INFOCUS published the following poem, written by Fred Bremmer and Steve Kroese of Calvin College & Seminary of Grand Rapids, MI.



>> ! * ' ' #
^ " ` $ $ -
! * = @ $ _
% * < > ~ # 4
& [ ] . . /
| { , , SYSTEM HALTED




The poem can only be appreciated by reading it aloud, to wit:



Waka waka bang splat tick tick hash,
Caret quote back-tick dollar dollar dash,
Bang splat equal at dollar under-score,
Percent splat waka waka tilde number four,
Ampersand bracket bracket dot dot slash,
Vertical-bar curly-bracket comma comma CRASH.

[RickRuski]

Here's another for you: -


AN IRISH GHOST STORY
This story happened a while ago in Dublin, and even though it sounds like an Alfred Hitchcock tale, it's true.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
John Bradford, a Dublin University student, was on the side of the road hitchhiking on a very dark night and in the midst of a big storm.
The night was rolling on and no car went by. The storm was so strong he could hardly see a few feet ahead of him.
Suddenly, he saw a car slowly coming towards him and stopped.
John, desperate for shelter and without thinking about it, got into the car and closed the door..... Only to realize there was nobody behind the wheel and the engine wasn't on. The car started moving slowly. John looked at the road ahead and saw a curve approaching. Scared, he started to pray, begging for his life. Then, just before the car hit the curve, a hand appeared out of nowhere through the window, and turned the wheel. John, paralyzed with terror, watched as the hand came through the window, but never touched or harmed him.
Shortly thereafter, John saw the lights of a pub appear down the road, so, gathering strength; he jumped out of the car and ran to it. Wet and out of breath, he rushed inside and started telling everybody about the horrible experience he had just had.
A silence enveloped the pub when everybody realized he was crying... And wasn't drunk.

Suddenly, the door opened, and two other people walked in from the dark and stormy night. They, like John, were also soaked and out of breath. Looking around, and seeing John Bradford sobbing at the bar, one said to the other....



Look Paddy....there's that idiot that got in the car while we were pushing it!!!!'

[nearmiss]

Stick for a while to see how it goes.

Forums rules apply so don't get off into the world of vulgarity and profanity and expect to get away with it, because you are telling a joke.

Be cool, we can all use a good laugh

[No1 Cheese]

Just bought a wig made of anal hair,bloody thing keeps blowing off!!!!!



Cheese

[SEE]

Gamblers joke! Pad it out with your imagination when telling......


A guy at the local Dog Track, is down to his last 'fiver', depressed and tearful as the next pay cheque is a month a away!

Sat, in the rain and contemplating a month of hardship, a scrawny old greyhound dog meanders along and sits beside him.

The dog opens its mouth, yawns and then amazingly speaks to him....."Red Rocket, Lane 4 ....10 to 1 ....dead cert pal!"

The man, in a state of utter disbelievement, listes to the dog repeat his tip for the next race!

He puts his last fiver on the dogs tip! It wins .......

The Greyhound advises him with tips for the rest of the evening -----and every one a damned winner!

He adopts the dog when discovering it has no owner and trundles to the local pub with a pocket full of cash.

He gets, drunk and starts telling everyone in the pub how he won so much and how he owes it all to a talking dog, etc, etc.

Everyone in the pub thinks he is a total nutcase.

Offended, he puts his entire winnings on the counter and challenges everyone in the pub to bet regards his 'tallking dog'.

Everyone in the pub takes him on!

He picks the dog up, places it on the counter and says ...."tell them what you told me!"

The dog wags its tail, pants rapidly, snuggles up to him but says nothing....

The man in depair, asks again but the dog just wags its tail!

The man loses his entire winnings and, cursing the old Greyhound, chases the dog out of the pub and down the road.

He grabs the dog by the neck, swearing profusely, he tightens his grip around the poor dogs neck and the dog scarcely audible splutters......

'yeah, I know your mad.............but the think of the odds we will get tomorrow night!"

[Scavenger]

Huh
There are the same jokes in Russia, but instead of Angela Merkel and Athens we tell Rogozin and Tallinn.
And instead of Paddy and Frenches our joke is about Chukchi people against China, and the last phrase sounds as "We do not know how we can bury 1,500,000".

[No1 Cheese]

Oh well thats killed taht off!!!

Cheese

[JG26_EZ]

A man walks into an electronics store and buys a wwii flight sim that he thinks will work when it's installed.


This version of the joke is even better...


A man walks into an electronics store and buys a wwii flight sim that he thinks will work when it's installed. After realizing that it was buggy to begin with, he then thinks that within a "couple" of months and patches, the problem will be fixed.


I thought it was pretty funny

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