A Little Civilian Flight Humor

[Bodkin]

Thought you guys might find these funny. Wonder what some of the military solutions are?
Cheers,
Bodkin



After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft.


The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never?let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor.


Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS pilots?(marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.


By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.



P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.


P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.


P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit


P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.


P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.


P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear
S: Evidence removed


P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.


P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.


P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.


P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.


P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.


P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.


P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.


P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.


P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.

[JVM]

This is an still funny but very old one....And the use of terms like IFF or target radar should make you suspect that it is not coming from UPS...It would be more like USAF in the fifties...

JV

[Bobby109]

hahaha that was very funny!

[robtek]

okay, here´s a mixed one:
The Ground Controllers at Frankfurt/Main (Germany) expect every pilot to know his taxiways.
So one time, quite a few years ago, a panam flight landed and was told to taxi to gateway 21.
After leaving the runway the plane stops. After a while Ground - Control asks the pilot why he doesn´t move on?
The pilot answers that he is looking up the plan for the right taxyways.
Grond Control ask a bit bitchy: You haven´t been to Frankfurt, aren´t you?
The Pilot answers: Oh, i´ve been at Frankfurt twice, 1944, but it was dark and i didn´t land.

[Bobby109]

hahaha wise guy

[choctaw111]

Those have been around for a while, but they never get old. Very funny!!!