My wife asked me what I was doing on the computer last night.
I told her I was looking for cheap flights.
"I love you!" she said, and then she got all excited.
That night we had the most amazing sex ever....
Which is odd, because she’s never shown an interest in darts before?
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An RAF Group Captain was about to start the morning briefing to his
staff. While waiting for the coffee machine to finish its brewing, the
Group Captain decided to pose a question to all assembled.
He explained that his wife had been a bit frisky the night before and
he failed to get his usual amount of sound sleep. He posed the question
of just how much of sex was "work" and how much of it was "pleasure?">
A Wing Commander chimed in with 75-25% in favour of work.
A Squadron Leader said it was 50-50%.
A Flight Lieutenant responded with 25-75% in favour of pleasure,
depending upon his state of inebriation at the time.
There being no consensus, the Group Captain turned to the Corporal who
was in charge of making the coffee. What was his opinion?
Without any hesitation, the young Corporal responded, "Sir, it has to
be 100% pleasure."
The Group Captain was surprised and, as you might guess, asked why?
"Well, sir, if there was any work involved, the officers would have me
doing it for them."
The room fell silent.
God Bless the lower ranks.
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Postman Pat's Last Day.
It was Postman Pat's
last day on the job after
35 years of carrying the mail
through all kinds of weather
to the same villages and towns.
When he arrived at the first
house on his route,
he was greeted by the whole
family there, who all hugged
and congratulated him and
sent him on his way with a
cheque for £50.
At the second house they presented
him an 18-carat gold watch.
The folks at the third house handed
him a bottle of 15-year old
Scotch whisky.
At the fourth house he was
met at the door by a dumb
blonde in her lingerie.
She took him by the arm and
led him up the stairs to the
bedroom where she blew his mind
with the most passionate love
he had ever experienced.
When they went downstairs,
the blonde fixed him a full
English breakfast: Bacon,
Eggs, Sausage & Tomato
with freshly squeezed orange juice.
As she was pouring him a cup of
steaming coffee,
he noticed a £1 coin in the saucer.
'All this was just too wonderful for words,'
he said, 'but what's the quid for?'
'Well,' said the dumb blonde,
'Last night, I told my husband that
today would be your last day and
that we should do something special
for you'.
'I asked him what I should give you'.
He said, 'F * * k him.... Give him a quid.'
She smiled shyly and said,
'The breakfast was my idea.'