[RickRuski]

On some air bases the Air Force is on one side of the field and civilian
aircraft use the other side of the field, with the control tower in the
middle. One day the tower received a call from an aircraft asking, "What
time is it?"
The tower responded, "Who is calling?"
The aircraft replied, "What difference does it make?"
The tower replied, "It makes a lot of difference... If it is a commercial
flight, it is 3 o'clock. If it is an Army aircraft, it is 1500 hours. If it
is a Navy aircraft, it is 6 bells. If it is an Air Force aircraft, the big
hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 3. If it is a Marine Corps
aircraft, it's Thursday afternoon and 120 minutes to "Happy Hour."


During training exercises, the lieutenant who was driving down a muddy back
road encountered another car stuck in the mud with a red-faced colonel at
the wheel "Your jeep stuck, sir?" asked the lieutenant as he pulled
alongside. "Nope," replied the colonel, coming over and handing him the
keys. "Yours is."


Having just moved into his new office, a pompous, new colonel was sitting at
his desk when an airman knocked on the door. Conscious of his new position,
the colonel quickly picked up the phone, told the airman to enter, then said
into the phone, "Yes, General, I'll be seeing him this afternoon and I'll
pass along your message. In the meantime, thank you for your good wishes,
sir." Feeling as though he had sufficiently impressed the young enlisted
man, he asked, "What do you want?"

"Nothing important, sir," the airman replied, "I'm just here to hook up your
telephone."


Officer: "Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?"
Soldier: "Sure, buddy."
Officer: "That's no way to address an officer! Now let's try it again!"
"Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?"
Soldier: "No, SIR!"


Q: How do you know if there is a fighter pilot at your party?
A: He'll tell you.

Q: What's the difference between God and fighter pilots?
A: God doesn't think he's a fighter pilot.

Q: What's the difference between a fighter pilot and a jet engine?
A: A jet engine stops whining when the plane shuts down.


An Army Master Sergeant and a General were sitting in the
barbershop. They were both just getting finished with their shaves, when the
barbers reached for some after-shave to slap on their faces.

The General shouted, "Hey, don't put that stuff on me! My wife will think
I've been in a whorehouse!"

The Sergeant turned to his barber and said, "Go ahead and put it on. My wife
doesn't know what the inside of a whorehouse smells like."


"Well," snarled the tough old Navy Chief to the bewildered Seaman, "I
suppose after you get discharged from the Navy, you'll just be waiting for
me to die so you can come and pee on my grave."

"Not me, Chief!" the Seaman replied. "Once I get out of the Navy, I'm never
going to stand in line again!"