Thats a false interpretation of the things happening. If you want, you can do a fight as a flightleader without being attacked at all. All you have to do is: avoid close contact, set your buddies to attack and DON'T SHOOT ever!
Its just simple. AI is quite dumb (still is), so if you - as the player - present the most activity by attacking, shooting, being the most dangerous guy in your mission sky, so each enemy AI, that you are going onto (even if you just pass behind him), is 'crying for help' from its flight members - means, the other enemy AI's. Now, if they are not too busy with fighting or defending with your buddies, they will for sure GO AFTER YOU! Its just logical.
In short - if you prove to be dangerous, you will have to live with the consequences.
