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Old 09-17-2011, 06:52 PM
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brando brando is offline
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Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Devon UK
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Scooters were never a good subject to raise with a bunch of old rockers here in Southern England. A historical enmity, based on sharp mohair suits, parkas and excess mirrors; versus leather, grease and, er, real bikes
But I always had a liking for people who did strange things on two wheels - like a mate who bought a bike and rode up to Yorkshire, in mid-winter, to meet us at the local bikers' pub.
By about 10 p.m. we had pretty much forgotten that he was due, until someone, more sober than the rest, said 'what's that noise?' Big Ernie kicked the jukebox into silence and we all listened........and there it was, the sound of someone strangling a very tired duck, and we poked our heads out into a newly snowy world. Out front was a cobbled courtyard with our bikes parked around, and in the entrance stood a dismal, shivering figure astride a BSA Bantam (a 125cc 2-stroke). It was our forgotten guest, so cold that he couldn't even switch off the engine, let alone dismount. Only his thumb was showing signs of life as he fired off another dismal squawk from the underwhelming 6-volt horn.
We all tumbled out into the snow and plucked him off the tiny bike and carried him into the bar. He was so frozen that we just stood him up against the fireplace, and laughed as the blazing logs thawed him back into the world of pain. Heh heh. After he'd finished screaming we listened amazed as he recounted buying the bike from a famous Chiswick dealership that afternoon and then heading straight off up the M1 from Scotch Corner and up to Yorkshire. Apparently he only messed up once, navigation-wise, but it was enough to leave him on the wrong side of the Pennines. But he pressed on regardless into the darkness, up over one of the most serious mountain ranges in Britain, and only got worried when the blizzard started! How he did it we never really understood, but he was living proof that naivety rules - it was his first bike, and his first major journey anywhere.

To paraphrase Billy Connoly's jojoba shampoo joke - what the f***'s a latte?
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