I suspect that part of the problem may be the way IL-2 allows some fairly horrendous instantaneous G-loads to be applied with some aircraft. Under those conditions, any asymmetric stall is going to produce an exaggerated rolling moment, which may indeed flip you inverted. A real-life pilot would be more aware of what was occurring, and less likely to stall in the first place. You also suffer from lack of peripheral vision, which would give you a better idea of your flightpath, and particularly changes in roll/yaw as you tighten the turn.
None of this is particular to the P-38, but given its benign handling up to the stall, it may be more liable to catch you out when it happens. Pulling a tight turn in a Fw-190 for instance, you need to use considerable rudder input to keep the ball centred, so you get used to the symptoms of it not being straight - I rarely actually look at the ball in tight turns, though I probably should. If it starts to yaw, you automatically correct with rudder, and ease off on the stick. With the P-38, turns are more or less coordinated without much rudder, so you get used to just pulling until you get the turn rate you desire - this is fine until you overdo it, because once it starts to go, the high polar inertia in roll and yaw makes immediate recovery unlikely. The real problem with the P-38 in IL-2 may not be anything to do with the FM at all, but instead due to the limitations of 'flying' from a PC. The only solutions I can offer for P-38 pilots are to (a) fly something else occasionally, just to remind yourself of how hard other planes can be, (b) when you have plenty of height, practice accelerated stalls until you can recognise the onset, and (c) shut off an engine occasionally, just to enjoy the sensation of flying something that will climb on one engine, and lands more easily like that than some single-engined planes do without the power deficiencies.
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