well.. if it has nothing to do with that either... is there maybe the possibility of modding the game in a way that i can get it to work? i really don't care any more by what means i get neoka, i just want my kick-ass elf army -_-

I got permission from the tree but it didn't give me a dialogue option to actually get her by talking to the king (in the same castle iirc) until I dropped the current wife

ditching my old wife and asking the king actually worked! before i just tried ditching and asking neoka... YEAH! thanks!